I am sitting here with pieces of toilet paper shoved up my nose to stop the flow of sick pouring out of it, desperately in need of a shower, looking at this Colour Theory Project and wondering where my motivation in life has gone (I think it followed my money) and why I am suddenly failing several classes and don’t give a shit, and listening to Bob Dylan sing “Everybody must get stoned” and thinking that I haven’t in months, and my feet are cold and my dog is fat, and I have no money for groceries.
She may not seem like a porker to you, but she has a layer of fat over her back that wasn’t even there last October when the vet said she was already too fat.
So, it’s less treats and more trips to the park, and because this is all my fault to begin with (ie too many treats and too few walks in the park) I won’t make her do pushups, but I might engage her more in activities of the stick-throwing kind.
With ‘Golden Years’ blasting in the background, and my pattern all drawn out in front of me, I was groovin’ to the music and shakin’ my money maker while cutting the fabric for my skirt that is due in the fashion show this week.
Only you, David Bowie, can do this to me, and I thank you wholeheartedly, because without you tonight, this skirt may never have been started.
On the down side, I still have no model, but hopefully one will fall into my lap within the next day or so.
My mind has been in the past a lot lately. I can’t help thinking about people I’ve known or places I’ve been, and it’s kind of affecting the way I am feeling about my present and my future.
I feel like I am letting go of people, or that I’ve let go of people already, and if that keeps happening, my oldest friends are going to be the ones I’ve only just met. I used to think that it was cool how I had a string of friends and lovers in far off places, but what’s the use of that if you never see them again?
Also, I keep thinking of places I’ve been and would love to go back to, like Rome, or Edinburgh, or like the Carribean, or Florida (Dawn, I am extremely jealous of you right now), or Japan. Where I am standing right now, it doesn’t look like I will be able to leave Amsterdam for quite awhile. And while it’s cool here and all, I can’t fathom not being able to travel. Just the thought is making me feel like I’m trapped in a cage.
It would be cool if people would come and visit me here, but I’ve given up on any friends from the States coming over (too expensive I guess) and friends from Brussels are all busy, or travelling elsewhere (ahem…DAWN).
So, yeah, I’ve been a bit blue lately. I think it’s because I’ve been on a break from school, so I’ve had nothing to do really except sit around and think too much.
See, this is what happens when you think too much. Down with free thought! Banish it, I say, banish it!
So…..New Year’s in Amsterdam is absolute MAYHEM. And no, not in the drinking and drugs way, although there is plenty of that flowing as well. What I mean is the fireworks.
Like…….whoa. The fireworks.
The city itself doesn’t put any show on, and as I was lamenting that fact to my roommate, he said “Just wait til you see it. Then you’ll see why.”
And now I see.
The thing is, everyone and their grandmother hits the streets to set off their own fireworks. And not just on New Year’s Eve (called Old Year’s Eve here), but the entire week leading up to it, and a few days after as well.
It’s kind of weird hearing fireworks for a week straight, but it wasn’t until the actual Big Night that I really was struck dumb with awe. Everywhere, I mean EVERYWHERE- a full 380 degrees around me- there were fireworks being set off. I was standing at the window at one point and the fireworks were actually skidding off of the window pane on the way up to the sky. Fuck that big city shit where they put on a show in one place. This was MUCH cooler.
At one point we were standing on a large street, looking the whole mile down it, and the road was just PAVED with fireworks going off. I’ve never seen anything like it before. It was like a war zone. Mailboxes and trash cans were on fire, there was a large bonfire in the middle of the tram tracks, and there were groups of people aiming large fireworks up, down, left, and right.
Last night we lit the our first fire in the fireplace- something we’ve either been putting off, or waiting for the right moment to do. Doesn’t matter, because after the fire was lit, I remembered another reason why we hadn’t done it before- we didn’t have a fire screen, so tiny balls of fire were popping out into the room with nothing there to stop them.
So that meant that I was on ball-of-fire alert until the fire calmed down to a reasonable level and I didn’t feel that our lives were in danger.
It was then that I drew Lola’s attention to the fire- she had been sleeping unawares until then. She has never seen fire before- not like that anyway- so I was kind of wary of letting her by it alone. She’s not the brightest dog, and I could just imagine her trying to bite the flames or something.
I wasn’t too off on my predictions. She sat as close to the fire as she possible could without sitting IN the fire, and even then she kept shuffling her butt closer and closer and leaning in towards the flames and licking the air near the chimney.
I told you- she’s not too bright.
Here she is in all her badass glory, enjoying the heat and sitting waaaaaay too close for my comfort.