Amanda Blog and Kiss

By the way, feel free to add any pearls of wisdom if you have any.

Amanda, you crack me the fuck up!! I am still laughing as I type this!  If your bra suddenly goes missing…..(that one’s a little scary)

Here are a few, but they are not all from me.  Some of my friends have had some interesting relationships.

If one day you realize that you cannot stand the way he eats, talks or even breathes…he may not be the guy for you.

If he asks you to come over and have sex and after thinking this in your head, you actually say out loud…”no thanks, I’m sick of faking orgasms”…he may not be the guy for you.

If you find yourself saying, “I can’t go because my boyfriend won’t let me.”…for goodness fucking sakes ladies, PLEASE learn to love yourselves and realize…HE MAY NOT BE THE GUY FOR YOU!

Fabulous blog!  Can’t wait to read the responses.  I could fill a book with my lessons - here’s a few of ‘em:

If he runs to the store for cigarettes and milk on Friday and returns on Monday with cigarettes and milk like nothing happened… he may not be the guy for you.

If his mother tells you he was “different from the other kids”… he may not be the guy for you.

If you’ve had to pick him up at the police station so often you’re on a first-name basis with the desk sergeant… he may not be the guy for you.

If the wall hangings in his living room consist of a 2 x 3 (that’s feet not inches!) portrait of himself, a bleached steer head and an Uzi … he may not be the guy for you.

If he stops at a diner for “breakfast” on the way to the hospital and leaves you in the car timing your labor pains… he may not be the guy for you.  Doubly true if he emerges from said diner so drunk you have to drive yourself to the hospital.

And finally….

If he asks you to hide a gun in your attic “just until things blow over”… HE MAY NOT BE THE GUY FOR YOU!

OMG you guys can’t be serious!  hahahahah!  Thanks for adding your wisdom!!!

Welll well well. I do have some wisdom to share. Some of it’s kinda scary. I cannot believe the shit we put up with as young women.

1. If he hits on your mom, in front of you, he may not be the guy for you!
2. If you catch him waiting in the parking lot across from your work, spying on you, he may not be the guy for you. Beware also of random people coming into your work just staring at you. Yes, he paid people to come inside and watch after you too.
3. If he’s having sex with his male “friends”, he’s probably not the one for you.
4. If you get a warning about him from his past friends that goes something like this “He used to eat glass to hurt himself to get back at his ex”, STAY AWAY! He’s so not the guy for you!
5. When you find out he’s been sleeping with girls younger than your little sisters, please let go. He’s not the one.
6. If he laces your joint with PCP (without telling you, cuz it would be funny), he’s not the guy for you.
7. If you find yourself sleeping with his brother cuz he has a way bigger “tool”, your guy probably isnt the one for you.
8. If you go into a friend of a  friends house and see your boyfriends name listed on her younger sisters wall under the heading “Guys I given head to”, this guy is not the one either.
9. If he lies to his parents about how old you are (even though there’s only a 1 yr difference), this guy’s not it either.
10. If he ever tells you you’re nothing but a fuckin whore, and noone will ever love you like he does (you’re right, this doesn’t make sense. so dont fall for it.) or that he only starting flirting with you so that the black guy at the party wouldnt get yet another white woman, this guy is not the one for you.
11. If you find out he carries a Glock 9 in his car at all times, this guys not the one.

Well Amanda there ya go. I have so many more but at 8 am these are the first to pop to mind. I think I just wrote my own blog within yours! I could probably write a book on all the assholes I’ve dated.

Oh.

My.

God.

Are you serious?!?!  OK, you are definitely the winner, hands down!  Lucky you finally got a good one, then, hey?    Thanks for sharing!!!!!

Ok ladies, now I am crying because I was laughing so hard!  Amanda I think you need to create a website just in dedication to…he may not be the one for you.  What in the hell is wrong with us?  In the end we all found good ones though!! =)

I agree with Mel, a special page in dedication to this. It’s so funny, how I for so long didn’t think about the stupid assholes I dated. Now you got my brain working and I can’t stop thinking of reasons why “he may not be the guy for you”! But you’re right, I got a good one now, I consider him the best though!!

One story is worse than another…..this was the funniest blog ever. I’ve actually been pretty lucky so far but here are some funny ones:

1) If he does a dance in the nude right after the act, he might not be the right guy for you.

2) If he says he’s gonna be late but leaves a porn tape for you to watch, just to get “warmed up”, he might not be the right guy for you.

3) If you say I love you and he doesn’t say it back, he might not be the right guy for you.

4) If he stops shaving, showering, brushing his teeth ETC, just to see how long he can get away with it, he might not be the guy for you.

5) If you mistaken his thing for one of his fingers, he might not be the guy for you.

hahahahah!  That last one was brilliant!!!!  You always surprise me, girl!!! I’m dying to know who these are……..  

Damn….

I’m wondering whether there is a guy for me at all, don’t they all possess at least one of these features..?

Then… thank f**k I’m single..!!

Kisses, Tresja.