Amanda Blog and Kiss

To: Manuel Rodriguez

Pozo del camino

CP 21410 Isla Cristina (Huelva)

Espana

Dear Manuel Rodriguez (whereever and whoever you are),

I…..I don’t know what to say.

Thank you.  I mean really man, THANK YOU.  I don’t even know you, but it was such a kind gesture so…..Thanks.

I was having SUCH a bad day, you don’t even know!  And then I come home to find your little white envelope on my doorstep, and things just somehow…..turned brighter.

To return the gesture, I’m going to give you some advice.  Next time you are a tourist in Amsterdam, and want to mail narcotics (which are 100% legal here and 100% ILLEGAL in your home country of SPAIN) back to your home country, here are a few tips to keep in mind:

1) When posting narcotics across international borders, please remember to ALWAYS, ALWAYS write the FULL address of your destination, including HOUSE NUMBER.  Such a small, insignificant detail might lead to your small, insignificant package being posted back to its origin, which brings me to my next tip….

2) When posting narcotics across international borders, try starting with an originating address that you are actually AT, instead of….well, instead of MY address, because if its sent back because, because….well, say….you FORGOT THE FUCKING HOUSE NUMBER ON THE STREET IN SPAIN (see tip #1), then the package will be lovingly delivered back into MY hands.  Did I already thank you for that?  If not, then THANKS.

3) When posting narcotics across international borders, please do not post them in an envelope with HOLES.  I don’t care if you lovingly wrapped the bags of grass, mushrooms and hash in wet wipes with lemon fresh scent.  Honey, it didn’t work.  HELLO!  I may have overlooked the incident and given the envelope back to the postman if it weren’t for the overwhelming scent of First Class HERB floating out of those teeny tiny holes in the envelope.  Its mine now SUCKER.

4) Learn how to spell AMSTERDAM, dipshit.  Only one ‘E’- ONE!

(And a side note to BOTH the Dutch and Spanish Postal Services- DID YOU NOT NOTICE THIS?  How beligerently stupid are you???)

And so, as I review my new inventory (please click on picture for a clearer view of your losses/my gains):

3 bags of grade A herb

2 bags of “magic” mushrooms

2 bags of hash

….I have you to thank, Manuel, for your sheer stupidity and overwhelming ignorance.  Thank you for putting my address in the sender’s area.  You may have thought you were pulling a fast one, and that if the “feds” were to trace your package it would be ME that they were after, but in actuality you did me a HUGE service.  No feds, and just a SHITLOAD of drugs.

So ‘gracias’, Senor Rodriguez.  I completely take back everything I said about Spanish people being ‘stupid’, ‘loud’, ‘obnoxious’, and just a general pain in the ass.  I see now that they are actually completely giving and kind, albeit not so bright.

And fuck, I LOVE AMSTERDAM.

Sincerely,

Amanda P

O——-om 97

Amsterdam

But you already knew that didn’t you???

MySpace Comments:

Dawn	HAHAHA!  This is the FUNNIEST SHIT.  Spain wishes you a Merry Christmas and a VERY Happy New Year.  Thank you very much.  No, thank you! Posted by Dawn on Wednesday, December 06, 2006 – 4:38 PM [Reply to this]  [Remove]  [Block User]

Bellamy Edwards

With regards to the Dutch postal service you ask ‘How beligerently stupid are you???,’ Well, I once worked for the dutch postal service! Does that answer your question? Posted by Bellamy Edwards on Monday, December 18, 2006 – 12:58 PM [Reply to this]  [Remove]  [Block User]

The worst thing in the world is to try to sleep and not to.

~F. Scott Fitzgerald

I have been having trouble getting to sleep lately.

This is ME we are talking about here.  The girl who slept on the street in New York City when I was tired one day (Hi Mom! You didn’t just read that.).  I’ve slept the entire length of 7 hour plane rides, from before the plane even took off to just as it was landing (no snack for me!).  I’ve slept in the most uncomfortably squashed train carriages with my legs practically raised parallel to my body, and even spent the night in a train toilet while hiding from a pervert.  Park benches, parking lots, library desks, every science class I’ve ever had throughout school (and university), and twice even during a busy bar job in the kitchen and the office.

If it’s one thing I know, its SLEEP.

But not lately.  Its evading me, and its pissing me off.  I’ve tried warm cups of tea and then, realising that tea has caffeine, warm cups of hot chocolate.  I’ve tried joints, and reading, and eating a lot just before bed time to make me sleepy, and nothing works!  I lay there turning left and turning right and flipping on my belly and then onto my side.  And then I go to the computer and try to wear myself out with the boredom of that, and still I cannot sleep.

Can anyone help me?  Any suggestions at all?

MySpace Comments:Oana

Maybe you have a lot on your mind, lately? Stress can cause sleep problems. Try warm milk instead of hot chocolate….the sugar in it can also make you hyper (remember kids on Halloween???). Or sometimes listening to music on an MP3 player before going to bed might help (something about the music going RIGHT inside your ears). If this goes on for a long time, the best you can do is get some over the counter sleep aid. Let me know how it works out. PS: I am the worst sleeper EVER and I sleep worst at other people’s homes (when I was staying at your place, I just hugged Lola really tight and I went right to sleep). I miss her