April 30th, 2012 § § permalink
Today…..hmmm, today. There’s something I’m supposed to blog about today, as a blogger and specifically as an “expat blogger”, but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Probably specifically because it is expected.
Besides, you can find that kind of post elsewhere with other expat bloggers who do it so much better than I can, that expat thing. Like Stu! Stu will tell you why today is special in the Netherlands.
Instead, I have two other things to tell you about today.
Today would have been Lola’s 8th birthday.
Last year on her 7th birthday.
I still think about her every day and mourn the loss of one of my truest friends every time I have a spare moment to think.
Her sixth birthday is here. Oh and hey look her fifth birthday is here!
And for something much less sombre, today marks exactly one year that my bikini bottoms have been wrapped around the handlebars of a bike in front of my house (not my bike, and I didn’t put them there).
I’ve been secretly rooting the whole year that they would last- that come this year’s 30th of April they would still be flying proudly there, and there they still are. No one has taken them down, no one has dared to touch them (would you?).
I won’t bother with the story of how they got there, because frankly I don’t really know all of the details. But I will show you.
One Year Flying Proud
See? Still there. Worse for wear and totally weather-beaten, but still there. I shouldn’t feel this proud, but there you go.
I know what you’re thinking: Totally Classy.
Fiets Mania: Creepshow Fiets (It’s scary because Stephen King says it is.)
April 5th, 2012 § § permalink
Photo by John of http://www.johndoesamsterdam.com
In our walk around Vondelpark yesterday, I picked up a stick and threw it for Mylo. I don’t know why I bothered, he never plays along with me, and it’s usually me throwing a stick around a park and going to pick it up again myself.
But this time he did! He ran after the stick, actually picked it up, and brought it back. You know, like a dog!
With all the whooping and hollering I was doing (“GOOD BOY! YOU’RE A GOOOOD BOOOOOY!”), you would have thought he was bringing me back the Nobel Peace Prize that he had just won for physics.
But no, it was only a stick.
I made to throw it again, and he yipped and yipped as if he wanted that: ”Yes! Throw it again! I will get it again! YOUR MIND WILL BE BOGGLED AGAIN!”
And so I threw it again, and he chased after it again.
When he got to it, he sniffed it, and then lifted his leg and pissed on it, thus effectively ending our little game of fetch.
This week started in something of a rut. I’ve been bluer than blue, and this blog is not the place to get into the finer details of why. But to sum it up, I was blue about everything. EVERYTHING.
Yeah, sort that out if you can.
Every day I spent every spare moment in bed, alternating between sleeping and quietly crying.
Mylo stayed by me constantly, he never once left my side, whether I was sleeping or sobbing or watching episodes of Cougartown to get my mind off of things. See, he’s even here now as I write this.
Here now, here always.
In fact he was the only element of my life that I wasn’t crying over, the only thing that made me happy, and the only thing that made me laugh this week so far.
I’ve written before how accurate he is when he senses that I need him, and this week really proves that for me. But he seems to need me as much as I need him. This worries me, because as I have written before, he no longer has his pack. I am his pack, and I’m not so sure I’m up to the job. How do I know what a dog really needs? He is always watching me and waiting for me to do something, but what exactly? I’m not sure.
The best I can do is give him back all of the attention that I am getting, and in the only way I know how. So there are walks in the park, failed attempts at playing fetch, whole TV series that we watch together, and in just a little while I’m taking him on my Bagels & Coffee date.
We’ll figure it out. Somehow we will find the balance between people needs and dog needs, and meet somewhere in the middle.
And then both of us will be happy again.
October 21st, 2011 § § permalink
It’s 4:30 am.
I just woke from a dream where I gave Lola, my dog, to a friend to bring her to her new owners. The friend left, and Lola walked out behind her, not looking back.
After a few minutes, the panic started to rise in my throat. I turned to Dave. “But….can I….will they ever let me come and see her? As often as I want?” I asked.
He tried to explain that it might be hard to see her again, and the sad look on his face brought the panic in my throat rushing upwards. I started to choke and sob as the realization sunk in. What had I just done? Had I given her away for good?
And that’s how I woke up, choking on tears.
I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep again tonight.
Since losing Lola in early June, I’ve been having a pretty hard time. It’s not easy spending months on the verge of tears, waking at night from nightmares or not being able to sleep at all from thinking of her (and her death). Even now, going on 5 a.m. and 5 months after the fact, I am sitting here trying to see my typing through the tears. I’ve tried several times to blog about her, I’ve tried to give her the eloquent eulogy that she deserves, but in this one crucial time, the proper words have failed me.
How can I possibly summarize in one blog post what she meant to me? The words end up clunky on the screen, inadequate and dull for a dog who was so full of love and sweetness and who made me smile every day for the seven years that we shared this life. (Every day.)
We started a list of all of the small and funny ways that she made us laugh and what we will miss about her. The list goes on and on.
There is so much that I miss.
There is a lot of advice out there about getting a dog, raising a dog, living with a dog, training a dog. But what they never tell you about bringing a dog into your life, is that one day you will have to say goodbye. How are you meant to deal with that?
I am working through a lot of sadness, emptiness, and guilt. Her death, too soon and too sudden, was harsh and unfair for a dog who was so mild-natured and delicate. I didn’t have a proper chance to say goodbye, it was over before I realized that it had even started. How am I meant to deal with that?
I wish that I had the energy to write more about her and what she meant to me, but for now I have to make do with the fact that she was no stranger to this blog. I hope she knew how much I loved her, and that I continue to take her with me everywhere I go.
April 14th, 2010 § § permalink
In my blog search terms: “cavaliers love licking lotion”
This cracked me up. It’s as if someone had a secret camera in my apartment.
When I get out of the shower and put lotion on my legs, I then have to make sprints around the house to get away from Lola. If I let her, she would lick off every trace of lotion from my ankles to my knees.
It’s gotten to where I really have to think about which lotion I buy, and whether or not it is safe for my dog to eat.
It’s just one of those little known facts that they don’t tell you about in any guides to cavalier ownership.
July 30th, 2009 § § permalink
I have just put a sweater on my dog.
This confirms my worst nightmares: I need to get out of the house. This working from home shtick is doing me no good whatsoever.
Excuse me while I go get some fresh air for awhile.
If any of my friends are reading this: Help. Please stage an intervention. I really need to get out and socialize with non-canine beings. I need to get a life.
May 3rd, 2007 § § permalink
..it’s just that much harder to figure out who farted.
March 31st, 2007 § § permalink
….finding not one, not two, but THREE pairs of non-leather°, cute summer shoes. Count them: THREE!!!
(° no cows were harmed in the making of these shoes. These very cute shoes.)
…..these two fuckers.
…..signing up for this: (www.runningofthenudes.com) with Merel today. Pamplona here we come!!!
…..finding a Greek restaurant RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET, and I never knew!!! That makes 3 of my 4 favorite cuisines within a minute’s walk from home: Greek, Indian, and Thai (now all I need is Japanese and I’ll never leave the Overtoom again!)
So you see, I’m a simple girl, who likes simple things: shoes, my dogs, animal rights activism, and food!
All in all, its been a good week! Hope your weekend is going well!
September 21st, 2006 § § permalink
You see that fiendish look in her eyes around a piece of fruit?
I get that too.
August 4th, 2006 § § permalink
Lola was sick all night last night, so I didn’t get much sleep and at 8:30 this morning I finally got through to the vet and got her the earliest appointment to come in, at quarter to eleven. Then I sat up drinking cups of coffee and checking on her often to make sure she was ok.
I’m sure you don’t want to hear this, MySpace friends, but she had diaharrea and was bleeding from her bumhole. And because of this she smells really bad, so Dave suggested that we keep her on the balcony.
The one downfall to having a pet is that you can’t take their fuzzy little faces in your hands and look them deep in the eyes and explain to them in words why things are the way they are. Why does her bum bleed? Why can’t she stop going poo? Why is it runny? Why doesn’t she feel good? Why can’t she come inside? Why is the vet putting that thermometer in her bumhole? It’s heartbreaking, because you know that it is for the better, but to her, it might as well be a 3 by 10 foot prison cell.
All she needs is a little tin cup to rattle the bars.
But fret not, MySpace. She is on the road to recovery. She has medicine and cream that I have to wipe all over her runny, bloody asshole.
But this is my dog, and I love her more than anything, so I will do anything to make her well again. If it would make her better, I would put her on a diet of Grade A Prime American RibEye Beef, cooked to medium rare perfection, caviar, and rice that costs 3 euros per grain. I would fill her water bowl with Cristal champagne if it would help. No expenses spared.
Comments from MySpace:
June 16th, 2006 § § permalink
I think I am being stalked, my every move studied and observed.
For what purpose, I don’t know, but it is both sweet and creepy at the same time.
Before I wake up:
When I am waking Dave up:
While brushing my teeth:
In the shower:
On the toilet:
Entering or leaving the apartment:
On the couch:
At my desk:
Me thinks she needs a better hobby.
January 27th, 2006 § § permalink
I am sitting here with pieces of toilet paper shoved up my nose to stop the flow of sick pouring out of it, desperately in need of a shower, looking at this Colour Theory Project and wondering where my motivation in life has gone (I think it followed my money) and why I am suddenly failing several classes and don’t give a shit, and listening to Bob Dylan sing “Everybody must get stoned” and thinking that I haven’t in months, and my feet are cold and my dog is fat, and I have no money for groceries.
Otherwise, things are great!
Comments from Myspace:
January 16th, 2006 § § permalink
With ‘Golden Years’ blasting in the background, and my pattern all drawn out in front of me, I was groovin’ to the music and shakin’ my money maker while cutting the fabric for my skirt that is due in the fashion show this week.
Only you, David Bowie, can do this to me, and I thank you wholeheartedly, because without you tonight, this skirt may never have been started.
On the down side, I still have no model, but hopefully one will fall into my lap within the next day or so.